


Rest of my Life

by navaan



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Canonical Character Death mentioned, Character Study, Extended Scene, Gen, Missing Scene, Near Death Experience, Team Bonding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-13
Updated: 2013-02-13
Packaged: 2017-11-29 04:11:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,110
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/682628
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/navaan/pseuds/navaan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony saves the city by getting rid of the nuke set for New York and remembers a man who sacrificed himself, so Tony could become a hero.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Rest of my Life

If there was something Tony had always been sure of - even long before he'd become Iron Man - it was that he would go out with a bang. No other way to go for Tony Stark. But flying a nuclear warhead into an interdimensional portal and pointing it right at an invading alien army hadn't been _exactly_ what he'd been thinking of.

Anyway.

It seemed appropriate.

Not even the least bit _surprising_ \- just scarily appropriate.

After all _this_ was his life now. Strange, incredible, a little crazy, over the top and dangerous – and in a few seconds it would probably all be over anyway, so there was really no use to think to hard about it.

He wasn't even scared.

In fact even his genius mind had trouble keeping up this time, busy keeping track and evaluating all the information, making decisions. He barley had time to think about what he was doing here really, instead calculating where to intercept the missile and how fast he'd have to go to get it through the portal in time. He wasn't even thinking about how good his chances were for coming back. Too many variables. Not enough data.

But no time to look for alternatives.

One moment he was trying to reach Pepper – or, well, JARVIS was trying, but Pepper was not picking up, and what would he have said to her anyway that wouldn't have made it worse - and the next it was too late anyway. Behind the portal was nothing but the vast blackness of space. He could see something rushing past like a wall. Then everything was falling back into darkness. The scientist in him had time to think how extraordinary all of this was - alien mother ship in space, a scene right out of a sci-fi flick, an elaborate, geeky vision. What someone like Reed Richards would give to see this! But the HUD was flickering and went black, leaving him with no way to record or transmit this to anyone – and no way to keep control over the suit.

As he let go of the missile and felt himself floating - _falling_ \- back through space the only thing he could think was: _At least the city is safe._ The others would take care of the portal and of Loki. Hell, he could already imagine Steve Rogers single-handedly doing clean up. They would be all right without him.

This wouldn't be in vain.

Pepper would be okay. Mad and sad, but okay in the long run. She was a brave, strong person and he knew she would get over it.

 _Don't waste it. Don't waste your life,_ a voice whispered at him from the depth of his memories. Yinsen.

Yinsen had died, a much, much better man than him, so that Tony could go on and do something more with himself.

Was dying here wasting his life? Had he made enough of a difference?

He could feel himself floating, like something strong was pulling him backwards, but he doubted this was really the case. Then there was the blast – eerily silent, he was seeing it like a movie without sound, before closing his eyes - and the next moment he was inside the portal again. The suit was still not coming back online.

Whatever happened now – at least he'd die protecting people, doing the right thing, leaving Pepper with a legacy of technology that would revolutionize clean energy.

His body felt the strain of reentering Earth's atmosphere. Gravity was pulling him down, accelerating his fall even before he was outside the portal. He was blacking out and he had no energy left to fight unconsciousness.

 _Don't waste your life,_ he heard Yinsen's voice again in his memories.

“Didn't waste it,” he mumbled.

He'd not wasted the rest of his life, the years Yinsen had given him.

This time he could die in peace. Breathing was getting hard and his eyes closed again, HUD black and empty anyway, darkness swallowing him whole, systems not rebooting.

_Don't be mad, Yinsen. I'm only following your lead. Sometimes someone needs to sacrifice his life to keep others safe. Like you did._

 

 

But as it turned out, Tony didn't die. He woke up to a grumbling Hulk, a hovering – and wasn't _that_ scary? - Captain America and a _slightly_ damaged, but standing city of New York, gasping for breath and trying to remember how he'd ended up flat on his back on the street.

It seemed he'd not thrown away his life after all. New York was safe - and that was all that counted in his book – and he was alive – which definitely counted as an added bonus.

There was a message from Rhodey on his phone and Pepper called, upset and relieved, angry and proud, but berating him breathlessly, trying not to let him hear the quiver in her voice. He was too lightheaded to really talk sense, too tired to distract her with words – and she knew him well enough to know what that meant.

“You're a hard man to kill,” Fury said to him later, looking at him sideways. Everyone was supposed to get debriefed, but somehow his debriefing seemed to consist of Fury staring at him over another ugly table in another nondescript room on board the SHIELD Helicarrier not asking any real questions.

“Yeah, that's part of my charm. I've proven it's more than a publicity thing. Surviving.”

“You nearly died twice today.” It sounded like Fury really wanted to know how close it had been, dangerously like he really wanted to _know_ , like it _mattered_ \- and Tony wasn't anywhere close to comfortable or ready to even think about that possibility.

So he quirked an eyebrow and decided to be at least a little obnoxious. He had a reputation to think of here. “Three times, actually, if you count me saving your Helicarrier.” Right. That was more like their usual dynamic.

“ _That_ wasn't a close call,” Fury answered with a shrug, but his mouth formed a thin line now, his one visible eye narrowing the tiniest bit, watching him as if he was trying to figure something out.

Tony sighed and looked away. “I'm really hungry, you know?” he said, before anything else could come out of his mouth and embarrass him or give anything away.

Fury shrugged again. It was hard to tell with him, but his face was drawn in a way that could be interpreted as a telltale for his own state of exhaustion, hidden under his controlled front. “Then you should go eat something. I hear the team is already waiting for you. Something about eating together...”

He remembered his own slightly confused babbling after waking up. He'd felt beaten and punch drunk from all the adrenaline and the scare of waking up to the Hulk's battle cry or whatever that had been. But they hadn't been finished, yet. So he'd scrapped himself off the pavement and helped finish the job of getting Loki under lock and key. Now, the only thing he really wanted was go home and lick his wounds, sleep it off. Eating with a team of superheroes whom he didn't really know that well and who hadn't that much in common really sounded exhausting and not at all comfortable.

“Good idea. Team building exercise,” Fury said. He was still watching him with that focused kind of attention that made Tony cringe a little. This time he sounded a little amused, though.

“Yeah. Sure. Team Building. That's me. Team player to the last.” He nodded, understanding what Fury was saying between the lines. It seemed both Iron Man _and_ Tony Stark had proven themselves today. It made Tony uncomfortable to think about all the implications. So he stood up to go, virtually jumping out of his chair and instantly regretting it when his legs nearly gave out. Before reaching the door he paused and looked back. “Why did you contact me? About the...”

“I knew you'd figure out a way to get the job done. At any cost.” Fury still didn't give away anything. “Didn't expect you to fly the missile through the portal yourself.”

“Exceeding expectations. I do that occasionally. Ask everyone who knows me.” He could feel his own slightly strained PR smile slip into place, more than ready to finally get away.

But he was surprised to hear Fury say: “I'm glad we didn't lose another good man today, Stark.”

Tony had the strange feeling of being chastised and praised all at once, but Fury's words were also a reminder of the death of an agent who had saved Pepper's life once. For once Tony had nothing much to say to that, but then felt the need to tell someone: “There was just no alternative. And I'm fine.” He opened his arms wide. “See?”

“That's good to hear,” Fury nodded, his mouth twitching a little. He didn't look relieved or happy, but who could really tell with someone who'd probably lived his whole life as a spy?

“Are we done here?”

“Go.”

Every bone in his body was aching and he really wanted to go home, lock himself up somewhere away from the world and sleep. But Rogers, Barton and Natasha were already waiting for him in the hallway, all looking exhausted and a little wary themselves. The fact that even their one and only super soldier and their scarily competent super spies were showing signs of exhaustion made Tony feel better instantly.

Thor and Bruce were still making sure that Loki would not so easily get away this time, but would meet up with them in a moment.

On their way through the hallways Steve gave him a tentative pat on the shoulder and said: “Listen, about what I said before...”

“Forget it. We're not talking about this.” Not if Tony could find a way to avoid it. And he knew all about avoiding uncomfortable talks like this. He could probably have written a book about the art of avoidance. “We've all said things we wouldn't have said out loud if not for Loki manipulating all of us. So, I'm done with it. No more talking.” Well, not talking about feelings, anyway. He was too tired to really trust his ability to guard himself.

He was so damn tired that for a while there he had forgotten all about Coulson, hadn't allowed himself to think about anything but winning this fight and getting through whatever came after. But now some of the memories and experiences were catching up. Suddenly the vast blackness of space was just a thought away.

Steve looked as if he wanted to go on talking regardless. He swallowed, working his jaw and then nodded, his shoulders tensing up and relaxing again. Then he said: “It was a brave thing to do... The missile, I mean. I thought you were...”

“Yeah,” Tony said, trying to swallow the lump that was forming in his throat. “You would've done the same. In my place, I mean.” It was nothing less than the truth and they both knew it.

Steve nodded, something dark and scary passing through his eyes for a moment, before they cleared again. “I probably would've.”

Tony remembered all he knew about the way the Captain had been lost, before SHIELD had found him again decades later and nodded back. “Sometimes that's just how it is,” he said, thinking of a man in a cave who hadn't thought much of him to begin with, sacrificing himself so that he could become something more than a merchant of death.

 

 

They were all tired and beat up. The patrons of the little shop were busy clearing away the rubble and dirt around them, a little in awe of the crowd of battle-weary heroes sitting in the middle of their restaurant, silently munching their food.

Fighting along side each other had worked better than expected, but this was the first time Tony thought they were all at least superficially comfortable around each other outside of combat situations. Maybe they weren't friends yet, but after all they'd shared today they weren't strangers anymore. Looking out at the street through a blown out shop window, Tony felt a small moment of satisfaction at the sight of the city they had fought for today.

He let himself sag back into his chair. _I'm not wasting my life, Yinsen. You would be proud._

Sitting here alone was totally worth the bruises.

Natasha was watching him, unreadable as ever, then gave him a small nod and turned her attention back to her food.

 _This is the first day of the rest of my life all over again,_ Tony thought. _And I'm not going to waste it._


End file.
